Was it 6 months??? I don't really know how long has it been that we "Broke up". Each time we had a fight I had to think if is this the one with whom I wanted to share my life with? But then my inner-self wouldn't let me stand the thought of it and so I pushed it a little to make things workout. Each time, I was pushing it up the hill expecting there will be a plain road later where we can share the ride with all harmony, but then after two years of pushing, rite when I was about to give up on it, she started pulling it from the other end while I wanted to stay rite there. Tired a bit and excited a bit I got myself ready to go with her and see whats after the peak of the hill. I often thought what if I find a deep hollow valley ahead of me.Well I never tried to answer to that question to myself. To my little surprise, once I reached the top, I saw a road that was split into two under the name of careers. After 6 months of her pulling from the other side, we ended at a point where we have to make a decision on which one to choose. We argued but never agreed over it and then we lost it. I said I will take the road I wanted and she said she will take the opposite.
I didn't know what to do, May be I never did.
I thought I knew where to draw a line and where not to,
I thought I knew how things can be managed during tough times,
I thought there will be a detour when there is a road block,
but in here I hear my ignorance laughing at me and my silliness embarrassing me.
Things went wrong many times before, but then I thought things do go wrong all the time, but what matters is how I put up with them, sort them, and clear 'em off my way.
I have never realized that this was not supposed to be happening in the first place. Don't get me into being pessimistic, for if you have known me, you will know how optimistic I am, but trust me there are elements that that can turn positive to negative depending on the environment (yeah rite! Just like in chemistry. After all relationship is also a chemistry between two entities (read as people))
After six months of our separation, I know very little of her whereabouts. My heart that was once sensitive to her every emotion, now cares less for her and has no take on whatever she has to complain about me. Somehow, today out of the blue, without any warning, my pen starts to write this whole episode on paper. Many questions run through my head.
Why now?
Did I really get over her?
Do I have to feel guilty about what has happened?
Do I owe an explanation to anyone?
If I ever have to give a second chance to her or if she tries to give me a chance, how is it gonna be?
We have made the vows to each other, but both of us failed to deliver what we had promised. Is there a second chance at all? And If there is one, is it to be given or taken?
I don't know what she is doing now, all I am aware of is that she has not gone all through the road she wanted to take but is sitting somewhere along the road probably lost.
On the otherside, I have hit the brake on my headed way, questioning myself whats next. Things aren't the same after I am off the hook. I really am enjoying my life and am seriously loving everything thats happening to me and have started to take everything, the gain and the pain with a smile once again. Yet again, as I said, things are never the same. Being single after a relationship involves a LOT of transition.
I am not (certainly??) looking forward to turn around, reach her, and walk together again. I somehow lost the urge to find another soul to share the road, probably I am scared to commit myself to someone all over again or may be I am awaiting for my THE ONE, I don't know! I wonder if I am really taking the signals sent by the woman sitting across my table at the coffee house rite or if I am able to hear that flirt in the voice I hear each night over the phone.
However my present path has been changed from what it was to be earlier. Its not gonna be a smoother one, it will be a bumpy ride. Going back home to the family and deciding to stay in motherland for the most of my life was an unexpectedly easy decision to make, yet am unaware of what, time beholds for me. Now I put down my pen leaving all my questions to time, for I know it has all the answers.
I now quest for the person whom I can be sure to be with and say as Beethoven said...Forever thine, Forever mine, and Forever ours. But Never gonna give up on Love.
I didn't know what to do, May be I never did.
I thought I knew where to draw a line and where not to,
I thought I knew how things can be managed during tough times,
I thought there will be a detour when there is a road block,
but in here I hear my ignorance laughing at me and my silliness embarrassing me.
Things went wrong many times before, but then I thought things do go wrong all the time, but what matters is how I put up with them, sort them, and clear 'em off my way.
I have never realized that this was not supposed to be happening in the first place. Don't get me into being pessimistic, for if you have known me, you will know how optimistic I am, but trust me there are elements that that can turn positive to negative depending on the environment (yeah rite! Just like in chemistry. After all relationship is also a chemistry between two entities (read as people))
After six months of our separation, I know very little of her whereabouts. My heart that was once sensitive to her every emotion, now cares less for her and has no take on whatever she has to complain about me. Somehow, today out of the blue, without any warning, my pen starts to write this whole episode on paper. Many questions run through my head.
Why now?
Did I really get over her?
Do I have to feel guilty about what has happened?
Do I owe an explanation to anyone?
If I ever have to give a second chance to her or if she tries to give me a chance, how is it gonna be?
We have made the vows to each other, but both of us failed to deliver what we had promised. Is there a second chance at all? And If there is one, is it to be given or taken?
I don't know what she is doing now, all I am aware of is that she has not gone all through the road she wanted to take but is sitting somewhere along the road probably lost.
On the otherside, I have hit the brake on my headed way, questioning myself whats next. Things aren't the same after I am off the hook. I really am enjoying my life and am seriously loving everything thats happening to me and have started to take everything, the gain and the pain with a smile once again. Yet again, as I said, things are never the same. Being single after a relationship involves a LOT of transition.
I am not (certainly??) looking forward to turn around, reach her, and walk together again. I somehow lost the urge to find another soul to share the road, probably I am scared to commit myself to someone all over again or may be I am awaiting for my THE ONE, I don't know! I wonder if I am really taking the signals sent by the woman sitting across my table at the coffee house rite or if I am able to hear that flirt in the voice I hear each night over the phone.
However my present path has been changed from what it was to be earlier. Its not gonna be a smoother one, it will be a bumpy ride. Going back home to the family and deciding to stay in motherland for the most of my life was an unexpectedly easy decision to make, yet am unaware of what, time beholds for me. Now I put down my pen leaving all my questions to time, for I know it has all the answers.
I now quest for the person whom I can be sure to be with and say as Beethoven said...Forever thine, Forever mine, and Forever ours. But Never gonna give up on Love.
4 comments:
I don't think am eligible to write here.. (Infact, I cant comment on my own life)
Wonderfully penned sensitive emotions. But y all of a sudden? Last time I spoke to u, I was happy yu took it well. But now am confused. Watz going on fruity?
And ya, don't give up on love :) We never know watz in store!
@ Aparna
Thanks for your comments, I am honored to have your comments and editing.
@ AJ
Thanks for your comments. I am not in mixed feelings now. I have just wrote it. As I have mentioned, I Don't knw y. But don't worry I am perrrfectly alrite. :)
Great that it ends on a positive note!
and stop watching all lovie-dovie movies.. :P
put all good for nothing thoughts in our minds...
@The Holiday
excluded frm the above list..
:D
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